Have you ever decided you were going to change up the way you did things with your kids to try to improve their behavior only for it to backfire? Somehow, despite your best efforts, their behavior got worse! It is such a frustrating feeling. But..it could actually be a sign that what you’re doing is working!
Why?
Behavior often gets worse before it gets better. When you’re changing up the way you’re doing things, that’s going to throw your kids off a little bit. They are used to one way and they will do what they have to to ensure things stay that way because kids don’t like change.
For instance, let’s say your toddler throws a fit to get you off the phone. They want all of your attention and when you answer a phone call, they go into full meltdown mode. So, you get off the phone and calm them down. Then wonder “why on earth can’t I just talk on the phone for 2 minutes?!” So you decide you’re going to work on this by walking into another room and finishing your conversation. Well, your child is used to you just getting off and giving them attention. If that no longer works, they’re going to amp it up to see what they need to do to get that attention. If you continue on your path, the child will learn that meltdowns don’t get you off the phone and the behavior will improve. A child just needs to try to test it out first.
Let’s think of it another way. You go to turn get a drink from a vending machine. You put in your money, make your selection, and nothing comes out. So you push the ubttong again. And again. And maybe you give the machine a little shake. Maybe you even hit it or try to rock it. When all of that fails, you give up and walk away (and probably won’t return to that machine again).
Just like your child learned that melting down won’t work to get you off the phone, you learned that shaking and hitting the machine won’t work and you move on. But, you had to give it your best effort to get your way first.